Whenever I hear someone say, “I keep my personal and professional lives separate”, it sounds like denial; like something isn’t working quite right either at home or at work. But these worlds are one because healthy, strong relationships are the backbone of everything we do. If we are successful in one arena, we should be in the other as well.
Team building is a necessity in every community, if we want our homes and workplaces to be viable and functional. The skill set comes from being a team member and a leader or manager if possible, but just being a mom, a soccer coach or Boy Scout leader can teach you all you need to know. Family psychology, teaching, military training – it all helps, because team building is all about knowing and communicating what you want and need.
Whenever I put a team together, I try not to bend to the temptation of recruiting team members purely on the basis of their being hard workers and pleasant to be around. It’s just as easy, and more important, to go after people who are well-suited for the task and a good match for the people I’ve already brought on board. I want them to mesh with the job and each other and not just with me.
The temptation to take a shortcut vanishes when I remember - with a reflexive shudder - the managers I’ve had who unwittingly taught me by example how not to head up a team. It’s easy to care more and try harder than those individuals did and a strength, not a weakness, to know when you need to ask for help.
A team is an amalgam of relationships. You add or subtract one person and you get another whole mix of personalities, talents and needs. Team building is not rocket science; it is an invitation you extend to a core of individuals to contribute their promise and promise is key here. Leaders who fail see only the faults of their team members, which may even be an extention of their own shortcomings.
You don’t need years of experience or some unique strategy to create the ideal team you wish we’d been part of. Nothing has really changed in the ways that enduring relationships are created, despite trends in how team leaders communicate with their members.
The goal is to claim responsibility for not only recruiting but for leading as well, because maintaining an efficient team requires more constant effort than recruiting does. Maintaining is about motivating, inspiring and coaching the team to work together to achieve its best. If the role of team leader seems daunting, especially if you’ve had a nightmarish past with the boss putting you down to your colleagues or micromanaging you, imagine you are taking a baby step like signing onto Match.com: peeking at the possibilities and visualizing the prospects for realizing that ‘right person.’ Inititally you don’t have to commit to anything, not even a meeting.
Building a team is, pure and simple, a macrocosm of the search for a right spouse or a fun friend.
And the key to identifying that good fit is in knowing your needs and being selective about your choices.
Each activity we engage in is an opportunity to identify our strengths and interpersonal needs, whether it is through volunteer tutoring or the Sunday morning running group. We can draw knowledge from each leadership and management position we take on and from our successes and failures with spouses, parents, teachers and friends. It’s all good fodder because our expertise in relationship building defines the outcome of all our social interactions.
My kids have learned so much more about hanging in on a team than I did, from their varsity rowing and cross country teams. Though both are endurance sports, there is nothing like trying to move a boat forward to make you realize you have to reach consensus about your course and pull in the same direction. Harmony becomes more than a yoga or feng shui theory; its presence can save lives.
Teamwork, by the same token, is more than a byproduct of tolerance and good communication. It is enhanced when we can see our teammates’ points of view; when we develop respect, kindness and empathy. That’s how we learn and grow, and how the team bonds and becomes strong.
I like to think about the three C’s of team building.
The first has to do with recruiting and it is Be Complementary. Think inclusively, choosing folks with different styles and skills whose strengths complement your own. This holds true in finding a partner or in building a pyramid team with leadership tiers. A prerequisite is being aware of your weaknesses. If you are a visionary and creative but not passionate about bookkeeping, it’s best to find someone to complement your strengths. If you are visual but not verbal, then search for a counterpart. If you don’t like the spotlight, then it’s common sense to find a colleague who doesn’t flinch. However, we don’t always do this because we are drawn to someone we feel is charismatic, or we bend to external pressure or even our own sense of oughts and shoulds. I believe in trusting my gut and I’m lucky it has proved reliable. Every team needs someone with reliable instincts and intuition.
Team building is like looking for a tennis partner. If you want to win in doubles or develop as a singles player, you ask someone to play who is better than you. My mom was right. Though she had a great deal to learn about creating positive relationships, she was an athlete and understood competition.
Once you recruit a strong team, you have to cultivate your members and keep them interested. So the second tip is Communicate Clearly and Often before, during and after the planning stage, the recruiting phase and the leadership phase. Spell out where you are headed and how you hope to get there. Like in making a speech, tell people what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you just told them. Not because they don’t listen but because it gives them an edge in visualizing what is to come.
The third is Compliment Your Teammates, in the basic sense of the word. Value their input and express your appreciation with sincerity, not flattery. Once you are grounded in gratitude for what each person can offer, you see your team for its strengths rather than its eclectic quality. Teams are composed of unique individuals, each talented in his or her own right. One member might not inititally fit well with another, but work from your mission and your know how of addessing and resolving issues to strengthen the whole.
In Outward Bound we learned everyone has something to teach the team, and that it is not only kind but also wise and practical to bring out the best in each other. I remember one guy in our crew, Jerry, who had had great difficulty in expeditioning (backpacking). He would have better luck in rappelling but on the morning we were rappelling at Chimney Rock we didn’t know he was feeling giddy with both fear and faith that he might finally be on the cusp of mastering a skills initiative. Our crew of 12 was going about its business taking turns rappelling, belaying each other and eating. I was sitting below the rock face with my lunch group and just as I bit into my bagel and cream cheese, I heard Jerry shout down from above where he was dangling, suspended in air, trying to get a foothold on the cliff to push off again. It was the saddest voice, pleading, “Can’t anyone give me a little encouragement?” We gulped with guilt and shame but quickly cheered him on loudly. I remember thinking he had more understanding and maturity than I had about what he needed and how to be a team member because asking for help takes courage as well as insight. Through humor and determination he was able to nail issues that were delicate and difficult for him, and in the doing he bonded our entire team. I smiled when I remembered how the strongest runner in the group had been the one to hike up the mountain beside Jerry when he was having trouble. The strong had helped the weak and now the weak were teaching the strong. We were achieving our mission safely by being complementary and complimentary, despite ourselves.
Teams can give back more than you expect. So let your teamwork be an adventure in letting go of control and in not having specific expectations. Process is everything. How else would we grow to trust one another’s strengths unless we learned what they are? Sometimes it takes clashing a little. Think of giving instead of receiving; the team will endure and you will grow.
Anyone who thinks team building in a development campaign is about how many e-mail messages are sent out to solicit, inform or cultivate, and takes a sigh of relief they are ‘up to date’ because they are not relying solely on snail mail and the phone has not learned that teamwork is deeper than tactics. Maybe that individual has never been part of a difficult team and had a chance to learn this firsthand. It is the ‘why’ behind the ‘how’ that teams strive to address. It’s easy to come up with the ’how’s - ways in which a team implements its goals - but a team’s whole raison d’etre is centered around the ‘why’: the mission it is striving to achieve, the reason it came together to begin with. That reason must always be held high. You can make your own list of ‘how to’ tips and read all the magazine articles about team building that suggest that communication is the chief challenge but it’s really only a part of making an effective and steadfast team.
Dig way down inside yourself. Operate from your vision, purpose and mission, what you can give and can’t give to the concept. Those are the cornerstones of team building and maintenance.
Don’t take yourself too seriously, but do take the needs of your teammates very seriously. Give yourself a wide berth and give your teammates an even wider one.
Lastly, be proud that you acted on what you needed and found it. Thank those team members who helped you grow. Return that favor in every team you are a part of and you will enjoy the fruits of your labors by seeing life through your teammates’ eyes. And isn’t that both the goal and the benefit?
